so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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