We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
