arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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