I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
