I will die if light touches me.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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