her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
