Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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