i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
