How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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