i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
