He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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