why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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