Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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