let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
