remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
where are my eyebrows?
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