Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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