I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
