Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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