thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
