Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
