I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
