Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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