The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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