does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
