You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
