She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
