Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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