dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I intend to get homeless drunk
i came on her dog
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
