a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This is classic penis vs brain.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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