happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
