dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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