i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
