I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
