What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
