Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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