Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
