some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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