i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
