and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Who died my cat blue again?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
