Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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