It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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