Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
