Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
