You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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