I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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