i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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