I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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