GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
