I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
