Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
