No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
